I Was Worrying…

I was worrying… and I realised that I am not expected to know everything.

I was worrying

I was worrying

How many times have you created such tension in yourself because you are worrying about the potential future?

Trying to make sure that you understand and know everything in advance and then worrying frantically that you may not know enough.

Then you attempt to think of every strategy in the known existence to ensure that it is all under control, only to realise you are still totally anxious.

Even though you do all of this you are still not sure if you are going to be safe and secure in the future. Does this sound familiar to you?

Do you at least on some level, attempt to control future outcomes by trying to work out every possible angle in your head to be ready to solve any problems that may arise?

How can anyone know the future for certain?


That’s right we can’t.  Also how do we know if there will even be any problems to solve?  You don’t, these are just your insecurities manifesting because we have educated by a system that tells us we need to have all the answers and be able to solve all problems to ensure we succeed.  If we don’t get that control then we may fail.  Failure is not an option because we were then punished for the lack of knowledge if we did not have all the answers with regard to memorizing everything they told us we must learn.  However the the issue if we continue the behaviour once we leave school, only to have it reinforced in higher education, then to leave to go into work, again more pressure, but we never once stop to really see if it necessary to worry about everything all of time thinking we must answers to absolutely everything.  If we don’t have the answers and we are out on the edge of cliff facing the unknown, most of us will actually react with huge fear and desparately try even harder to work it all out.  Work what out, how you can work out what you haven’t even lived yet?

Life is an experience.  The Universe if not judging you if you don’t have the answers in fact it relishes change and loves to expand into what are unknown precipices where we learn more about ourselves and life in an organic an natural way and in such we mature to see life is more than what we were actually told.  It is often quite the opposite to what we were told.  It can be almost shocking to wake up and realise that the experience you may be even having right now is beyond what you had ever imagined.   Yes, beyond what you know… and this is where we learn the most if we are open in our minds rather than closed and fixed in our ideas.

If we could just realise that life evolves us quite naturally.

The experiences we attract if we just live them fully and allow it all to be as it is, including the reality that change may be here and you are staring a new job next week, or in a new relationship and still not quite sure how to be with it all, or just had your first child, or your first parent just died, or you have just been diagnosed with a health condition.  All of it, is the unknown.  Do not assume that you have all the answers. Or anyone else.  How can you or they know for certain how it all ends, or even how the journey goes getting to wherever you are going… which is always a mystery anyway.  Mostly where you end up is not what you expected.  It will however be what you need.  Life is no coincidence.  We create the experiences we are experiencing based on our current level of consciousness.  If we are not totally conscious of our decisions we will end up probably making decisions that are not in our best interest.  However if we are more sensitive and more open to be more honest in ourselves and willing to respect our real needs your decisions may be very different and totally supportive within whatever you are opening too in the moment.

It all comes down to a matter of perspective.

Really are we open enough to not predetermine our future based on a logical mind that feels compelled to control and label everything, to attempt to feel secure by thinking it knows, and sometimes quite arrogantly holding onto it, even when in fact it may be totally irrational to be holding onto those thoughts when it is not even a fact yet, you may be just hypothesizing in your head with your own ideas about what is going to happen, and yet not even available to what is actually really happening right here right now.  The old saying, which still resonates for me is “no need to worry about tomorrow if tomorrow is not here yet”.  I am still to continuously remind myself of this as even my mind attempts to wander off the path fantasizing about the future thinking I know, or even going back to the past in an attempt to ensure that I get the future right this time.  What a huge amount of pressure all because we simple find being here now, difficult, particularly if we are really experiencing that fact that you do not have all the answers.

Not having all the answers is quite natural and organic in itself.

It keeps the journey called life alive and fresh.  If you knew everything about your life in advance, well where is the fun in that.  It is like being read the end of the story right at the beginning.  Truly life enjoys the excitement and the adventure than comes with being human.  Such a vulernability exists in being human, for we are forever experiencing the unknown, because each moment is always new, fresh and you have never lived it until now.  If we come in from our old views, dogma, beliefs systems and project that onto now, then we are not alive in the now, we are just reliving the past in our heads and saying that is how it is now, I know how it is.  However not so.  If you let go of thinking you know everything and just be open like a child in a sense you may experience life as if for the first time all over again, and again and again.  Just be being available to the moment, actually living it, not thinking about living it.  Two very different things.  One is just a hypthothesis the other is felt, sensed, realised, it is tactile it is beyond all control and just being purely experienced as it is, just as it is.  Living life now.

So you have new job next week, or in a new relationship and still not quite sure how to be with it all, or just had your first child, or your first parent just died, or you have just been diagnosed with a health condition really see if you can drop the pretense, meaning bringing old tension from the past here now unnecessarily and twisting the present moment with ideas that you know how it going to go, really just let it all go, really, just breathe and feel the vulnerability, yes it may be scary to be on the edge and feel the actually sense that life is so big and so beyond your control it does do your head in, and any attempt to get control really doesn’t work anyway does it, as you have already tried but here you are still worrying about the future.   Worry worry worry, it is exhausting isn’t it?  What about experimenting with something new.  Play the game of life.  Live it, see what happens when you even allow just a little space to accept you don’t know for certain what is next.  Really this is so powerful.  Why?  Because when you make space for the unknown, you grow and your inner vision expands you will actually begin to see beyond what you knew, as life has always had this experience in store for you, it is alive and vibrating all the time that is what is growth itself.  Life never stands still ever.  You are always growing, however our assumptions limit us, and keep stuck in a cycle of feeling the same thing day in day out, simple because we are not making enough space to just let go of control and see what life has in store for us when we don’t assume.

My own experience, every time I come to the edge, I admit it, I feel it, it can sometimes really create strong sensations in my body, fear most commonly and the reaction to that is in my mind attempting to understand what is going on, but it can’t as it has not been here before.  I acknowledge the fear, I then actually will lovingly support my anxiety and actually soften and just accept that it is perfectly appropriate that I don’t know and in fact if I allow this space life illuminates what I need to see, do or know naturally.  Like life puts a big spotlight on the part that I need to connect with.  I love the fact now that I come to edge willingly, even if I am little stubborn, can’t help my old ways, however I know deep down that life knows best, I let go of my arrogance a long time ago, especially after being humbled by life after I lost absolutely everything I resembled as the life I wanted.  I got what I needed.  To move beyond control and learnt to release that stubbornness for humility.

I love that not knowing is actually more authentic for me now, than pretending I must know.  That pretense is so exhausting now, I cannot sustain it.  I just realise that the river of life has always been there, will continue to be there and in fact I do not need to thrash about to keep my head above water, I can in fact gracefully just let go and float with the current and it takes care of me all by itself and takes me naturally to what I need every time.  Even if it is not what I want, but essentially what I need to grow.  The flow, is life, when we just allow it all, the known and the unknown, sometimes you are in either, we are just more comfortable in familiar surroundings.  However when you feel the current asking you to let go and flow to new horizon then really resistance is just not possible, because you will be going sooner or later as you cannot hang on for ever, and if you try to, you will only wear yourself down until you are so exhausted you have to let go anyway.  I recommend volunteering as I did it the hard way and I realise now it was just not necessary.  However my fear was very very strong.

The unknown is my friend now, not the enemy.

I quite easily express to people when they ask me what are going to do, and I will say ” I don’t know yet, I am just allowing it all be right now and see what unfolds…” What a relief I feel inside too as no longer is their all the old pressure and expectations that I must know, and if don’t then something is wrong and disaster is sure to follow.  Now I relax enough even through my fears to just not get involved with my mental drama.  I find it so much easier to relax then stay tensed and anxious.  I know which we probably all prefer.

So breath a sigh of relief, not having all the answers in fact is wonderful healthy and good for the soul because at least then it can show you a thing or two that is even better than you can possibly imagine. Life is just an experience, the more we let go, the more we flow and more we experience.  In that it just get better and better when we open hearts truly deep and wide you will honestly meet the truth that lay within.  Life has been loving you the whole time, it has been you who has been holding out on yourself.  Why, addiction to your ideas that you know keep you stuck, rather than being in the flow.

From my own heart, I express this in the hope that it may inspire you right now to let go and flow… I was worrying but realised that the unknown beckons and may actually be ready to love you if you will just let it in.

 

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